The bike and the stuffed dog

Since the end of August, the texts and emails about homeschooling have flooded in. "Are you ready?" "Do you regret your choice?"  "Did you start?" "How was your first day?" "What do you do with all four at home at the same time?" Well, honestly, things are going much better than I thought they would. By the time the summer came to an end, I found myself actually looking forward to the first day. Funny, right? After discerning for years and fearing the tremendous responsibility of providing the "real" education that homeschooling requires, the anxiety from the enormity of it all has melted away.  I'm not sure where it went, and I sure as shootin' do not care. It's gone.

 I'm a reader. Someone who likes the figurative and speaks meaning in symbols. It's not surprising to me that one of my biggest revelations about homeschooling came two weeks ago when we were on a family bike ride. Daddy was in front with the Simon-mobile attached to his bike. The remaining order of bikers went like this: Clara, then Stephen, then Marygrace, and Mommy bringing up the rear. Being a minor control freak, this was a good place for me. In that spot, I both relinquished and took control, as I didn't get to choose our path or destination, but I did get to see all that happened and could make everyone stop at the sound of my holler.  Anyhow.... Marygrace was riding her princess bike with the basket on the front. Unbeknownst to me, she decided to put a stuffed dog into the basket and give him a ride as she coasted along. When I noticed the dog, I chuckled. What an innocent, nurturing thing for her to do. She had such great intentions. It didn't take long for the cackles on the back of my neck to rise in annoyance with the dog and the idea that he was coasting along with us, as every bump we went over, the dog fell out of the basket, Marygrace yelled "wait," I slammed on the breaks AND we fell further and further behind the rest of the family.  I patiently suggested she put the dog in the baby carrier with Simon; instead, she picked up the dog, put him back in her basket, said she would be more careful and got on to ride again.  Upon the fourth such dog dive, I nearly exploded in frustration, made Daddy stop and Marygrace gave her stuffed friend to Simon for the duration of the trip.  After just a few seconds, my frustration with Marygrace and her lovely dog disappeared into oblivion as she decided to take the suggestion and make the bike ride better for all.  A few pedals into the empty basket part of the bike ride, a message to me from God  popped into my head.... Though not a distinct voice or words, it was a realization that in my homeschooling journey, I was being like Marygrace with her stuffed dog. I was sticking to my ideas about how to best help the children succeed in school, trying new methods to solve difficulties each time a struggle surfaced at the elementary school. My frustration became greater as school became more difficult and testing brought the behavioral difficulties that had become the norm for our family. Figuratively, it was like God has been riding behind me with the better idea and putting up with the setbacks and frustrations that came as I tried to do things my way.  Now, as I sit in the middle of my first week of homeschooling, I think.... I think God is blessing me for taking the plunge despite my anxiety.

So, how is it going? It's early yet to give a detailed response to that question. But as I said, it is going much better than I thought it would. Thanks for asking. The strongest evidence of this is that I expected to hate homeschooling. I expected that I would be bored, feel trapped, not want to do the lessons, be confused about timing and who does what when.... BUT.... I don't hate it; I am not bored; I do not feel trapped; things are running fairly smoothly and.....drum roll.... best of all, I can see the learning unfold in front of my eyes. That isn't just a cliche. I saw the light go on as Clara used the phonics lesson of the day and blended sounds into words. I felt joy as the girls did science together and talked about the difference between science and applied science. I felt relief when Simon got sick and I was actually able to just shift the schedule around a bit, finishing a few subjects in the evening (which is when I would have been doing homework anyway). So.... so far, it's going ok. I've had more good moments than bad ones. I'm gearing up for the challenges that may present themselves.  But for now, I'm glad that I gave up the stuffed dog.