Two weeks down.... about 36 to go. That doesn't sound daunting in the least, eh? Not. It is daunting and even somewhat terrifying if I start to focus on it. Just thinking about the number of mathematics or language arts lessons, or science or social studies.... or worse, the number of fights and refusals to cooperate or the number of times that Simon decides to try to participate and scribbles all over the table (or eat the playdough or tear the workbooks). All the frustration and work.... for one who can tend to be lazy, that is DAUNTING; however, I'm coming to really understand what my long-time confessor, Father Albert Joseph Mary Shamon, meant when he used to say to me (and quite frequently) "the penalty for treading on God's territory, known to you as the future, is anxiety, you monkey." I always loved the "you monkey" part, as it broke up the seriousness of what he was saying so as to let me know he understood the struggle, but that he also knew I needed to get by it and stop looking ahead so much. How interesting. How ironic.... go figure. The great words of Father Shamon still live and ring deep truth for me. God's territory is the future. I need not think about all the trials of homeschooling that I will encounter this week, this month, this year or ever. If I do, guess what? The anxiety bell rings.
This weekend, the top 75%, that is my three older children, started their Fall soccer program. They were all excited, looking forward to the game, new shin guards, seeing their friends, the concession stands, snacks, pictures - you name it, and they were excited for it. I love watching them play soccer. I've never played myself, so I don't fully understand the game. I've discovered that the league eases kids into the "real" soccer game by increasing field size, adding goalies, using throw ins or allowing cleats as the kids get older. Marygrace and Clara played on different teams at 1pm. Clara was her usual soccer-star self. My little athlete. Marygrace ran and ran and cautiously went after the ball, starting to break free from her self-imposed timidity. When their games were over, we brought Stephen over to his team; coach Scott has led him for two seasons now. As the "purple team" warmed up, I noticed that Scott had no helper this season, and after a quick exchange, I became the assistant soccer coach. I was certainly nervous at first. I didn't want to make a fool of myself or say the wrong thing. I listened and mimicked Scott's advice during the first quarter. By the second quarter, I was fairly comfortable with when they were going to throw it in and where my team needed to be for the throw ins. In a short time, I learned quickly. Having never been a soccer coach, I realized that I could do it.
Funny thing..... as a little purple player, Brandon, ran toward the goal, everything went into slow motion for me. His foot stepped back, moved in a pointed arc forward towards the ball.... slammed it.... sent it through the air and into the net... JUST as I thought, I can do this coaching thing..... and God said "and you can do the homeschool thing too." Of course, it wasn't loud words that everyone could hear. It was a communication to me. A fitting one at that. Ok, God.... I will listen to Father Shamon and really focus on taking the present, that I have control over, one day, one task at a time.... and You can take care of the future. Thanks for that deal. :)
I love that Sarah! And you CAN do it! :-)
ReplyDeleteI second CJ. You are doing an amazing job.
ReplyDeleteJust when you aren't sure about doing one thing, you are handed another. Sometimes the more we do the more organized and focused we become.
ReplyDeleteHey Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI love the comment by Fr. Shamon. He is exactly right. Another useful one is "Faithfulness, not success". That one is attributed usually to Mother Teresa. It is worth remembering though, with homeschooling, and raising children in general. The second we start comparing, whether it be to another family, to public school kids, etc. we lose sight of the why of what we are doing. We are trying to raise Holy children, to get them to Heaven, to develop their gifts to serve the Lord. I find I am tempted sometimes to make "success" a god of itself. I find myself trying to prove to others how smart my kids are or how well socialized, or how well mannered, etc. This validation can feel good for a second, but it is shaky ground. The firm rock is rooted in prayer and the knowledge that we are doing what God has called us to do, with the limited strengths we have.
Thank you. :) I am starting to believe that I can do this.... to be less anxious. I work to follow Philippians 4: 6 and 7 "Do not be anxious about anything but with prayer and petition with thanksgiving give your requests to God." It is work to hand things over. And see.... sometimes you get another job for it, right Jill? :) I'm actually glad to have the assistant coach thing - keeps me exercising as I prepare for Maddie's Mark 5K. Elaine, I remember you quoting Mother Teresa before with that.... I will have to meditate on it.....
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