"Bam. Jesus ain't messin' around."

Wow. It's been a long time. I was reminded by several people just how long that time has been.... and just how much has gone on since the last time I blogged. Sorry 'bout that. Time is flying by. There's a lot to talk about, and I won't cover it all in this post, but before I say anything, I must say that I love the title of this one. It doesn't come from me. I stole it.... with permission of course. My friend, Stephanie, used it in a story she shared in my Theotokus group.For any Theotokus sister reading, I did ask permission to use it and would never take something from the group without permission. :)

Anyhow, let me sum up a story that Stephanie shared on Theotokus. It was a few months ago now, but I have the gist of it. She and her husband were waiting for pay day.... you know the kind of waiting you do when you NEED that paycheck to pay the bills let alone anything extra. When it came, Stephanie asked her hubster if she could get a cup of coffee from one of the local coffee hot spots. Because they had just cashed the family pay check, all he had was a hundred dollar bill, but he saw his wife's extra cute face and dreamy eyes, and couldn't help but give in to her one small indulgence. He handed Stephanie the $100 bill and waited in the car while she ran in to get the coffee. The cashier handed her, her coffee and was getting the "change" when Stephanie felt an inner call to give the money to the person behind her. Her inner dialogue with that voice went something like this:

"Lord, you know we have the truck bill to pay. I can't just give that gentleman $98."

"Give it to him."

"Well, ok, Lord.... but please remember the truck."

Can you imagine going back to the car and explaining to your life partner that you just gave a hard earned and needed $98 to the guy behind you? I'm not so sure I could have done the same thing with enough trust that my needs would be met. Not until, that is, Stephanie shared the rest of her story.

The next day, while preparing breakfast for her family, including her six children, the phone rang. Stephanie answered it. It was her husband, Zach's, boss. Zach came to the phone and the conversation that was exchanged is almost unbelievable. It sums up as this.... Zach's boss wanted to let Zach know he appreciated his work and understood that times were difficult lately for him because of all the truck issues he'd been having. To help out, Zach's boss was requesting permission to buy him a truck. A TRUCK..... What was Stephanie's one request when handing back the $98??  "Well, ok, Lord, but please remember the truck." I was floored when I read about this phone call; Stephanie's final comment after writing her story was aimed at highlighting the most important lesson in the midst of it all, the lesson being, Jesus provides. Her comment, which is now famous in my family and has stretched to many other places, was "Bam. Jesus ain't messin' around."

It was only two days after reading Stephanie's story that Andy and I were faced with a similar situation. We drove by the Target parking lot, and as often happened, there was a homeless man standing at the exit of the parking lot with a sign.  We often drop off a hot or cold drink (based on season) or some food or a dollar or two. Once, my nine year old daughter gave him her own $5. This particular evening was a really cold, snowy evening. And when I say cold, I mean the brutal, bone-chilling cold. We had just come from the bank and moving money around to help pay some bills. Just a short few months previous, we were out of all debt related to a crushing law-suit (which we won but never really recovered from), from loans to remodel a house that we'd bought for $92K put $40K into necessary renovations and sold for $90K after the market bubble blew, and from various health care expenses that gave us huge hits on our high deductible system. But this year, as luck would have it, we had significant car problems with BOTH family vehicles AFTER taking out loans to invest in a HOPS business, a loan to help pay the deductible for our fifth baby, and my student loans starting back up on top of Andy's. Soooo, although it should have been a good year financially for us because we had paid a lot of debt, new circumstances made it so it wasn't a good year by the books.

With that background, we pulled out of the bank and switching money around to make it so we could get a meager down payment to purchase a new vehicle, when we saw the gentleman standing at the light near the Target entrance. Not far from him was a lady who we had never seen before with a sign too. We decided to get them some cocoa from Dunkin Donuts and to break a $20 bill for them to split. In the scheme of things, $20 isn't much, but for us at that time, it was, and for them, certainly, it would be. We headed back with cocoa in hand just a few minutes later. The lady was gone, so we handed the gentlemen a large cocoa and both $10 bills,  repeating our version of Stephanie's request  saying,  "Lord, please just take care of Christmas for our children."  We joked and said it would be taken care of because "Bam. Jesus ain't messin' around."'

We went to Auburn, NY to my family for Thanksgiving the following week. My sister needed some work done on her house, which I gladly did and was generously paid for. And my Dad, in his generosity, brought Andy to see his farm and handed him an envelope with the intention of it "helping with Christmas." SERIOUSLY.The intention was for the exact request we made.  I'd share how much was inside the envelope, but I want my Dad to get his reward in Heaven. Suffice it to say, it was more than enough to take care of the three gifts each kid gets and the family exchanges we do each year. Further, my mom and sister both gave us gas money even though I told them we'd been given money for Christmas gifts. "Bam. Jesus ain't messin' around."

And that's not all. We received two Christmas cards with gift cards in them that were totally unexpected. One was to a restaurant so Andy and I could have some couple time (something we rarely do both for the lack of money and time) and another with a VISA $100 gift card from a parishioner at our church that loves our family. And some more cash from Dad for a date. Merry Christmas to us too. "Bam. Jesus ain't messin' around."

My lesson from that day stretches far beyond financial need. I reflected and can seen Jesus in many provisions for us over our lives. First, we were both given great parents and families; I was born an identical twin fulfilling my need to always have someone that I'd consider a life partner (twin then husband); Andy and I were both educated at a Catholic college that I almost didn't apply to but did because I received the invite to apply three times and saw it as a message; I was hired and about to sign a contract for a teaching job that was MUCH further from Andy when I got a call from a school district that I hadn't even applied to asking if I was interested in applying there because they received my name from another place I interviewed; my first rented apartment just happened to be in the house of a woman who suffered the same kind of anxiety I do and who was able to help me get to a doctor that really helped me; I was able to help run a boot camp for at-risk kids and it gave me the confidence I needed to teach with confidence; solid friends were found at every place I lived..... and on and on and on....bam...bam...bam...

We are now faced with homeschooling decisions for next year. This year, we decided that I'd homeschool my oldest, Marygrace, and allow my 2nd grader and Kindergartener to go to the local public school. The public school is fabulous. One of the best in the state, but some of the common-core curriculum I have philosophical differences with, some of the social issues which surface within a public school I'd still like to protect my children from for a little longer, and well, I LIKE being with my kids and would like to homeschool everyone.

So just do it.... right? Well, maybe. The road to this year gives some insight, for it just wasn't possible for me to homeschool everyone this year.  I knew my limits. Towards the end of last year, I prayed about some things that had popped up during the year, which was my first year homeschooling. One of my children, my first-grader at the time, started to stretch her wings a bit in ways that I just didn't feel equipped to handle. If she got frustrated with something we were doing together, rather than take a break and try again, she started to shut down. We'd be reading a story, and if it became difficult, she stopped. I'd go over the phonics rule we were practicing and show her some examples, but she wouldn't try reading the story again. I tried giving her time to cool off, switching directions and doing another subject, scheduling something fun to do after school, reading with her first to "get it over with," getting rid of television until school work was done, and on and on....

I kept trying different things because I refused to let her give up on reading . That wasn't an option. It wasn't just the fact that she wasn't reading that really bothered me. She's a whip; deep down, I knew she'd pick it up eventually. The greater problem was the fact that by refusing to do it, she was questioning my authority as mom and putting tension between her and I that didn't need to be there. I do not want my parenting style to be one of force. In a Christian parenting class that I had taken, I learned exactly what I wanted my style to be;  that is, I want to be an influential parent... the kind of parent that kids listen to because they respect their parents and know they are being led on a path that is good for them. When my first-grader stubbornly kept refusing to read, she set me off in ways I can't explain more for her outright disobedience than anything else. If I'm honest, yes, I was afraid she'd get behind her peers and not be able to catch up,  but that fear came from having one child that really struggles with school, [And I truth be told I struggle with that blaming myself because I started her right at five in Kindegarten and didn't fight to hold her back when she should have been] so whenever my first grader refused to read, I did worry that I'd bring her to a place where school would always be difficult for her too. Really, though I worried more about starting a pattern of butting heads and disillusionment between us.

So, my conclusion was that my first-grader really needed another "teacher" in her life to get her by the points that I could not, either with my insecurities or my lack of knowledge in handling that refusal. We finished last year with a lot of upstairs time-outs an doing our reading work in the evenings when Daddy was around. We finished the full curriculum and she did well, but it saddened me to see the damage that happened when I became a forceful parent and put her upstairs all the time because I did not know how to be the influential parent and get her out of the protest mode she entered when things were difficult. I just didn't want that to happen again, so public school really became the place she needed to be.

Another thing that affected our decision to homeschool one child (my special needs child) and send some to pubic school this, was the birth of our fifth child. If I homeschooled all that were of school age, I would have had a resistant second-grader, a new kindergartner, a fourth-grader with newly found special needs, a two year old in the height of his search for independence, and a newborn home all at the same time. Many people can figure that out and easily know how to balance all of that. I knew deep down that if I tried, I could not.  I didn't want to neglect the educational needs of my children by being stretched too thin. I applaud and respect those with more children who can do that much. But, I'm little old me.... with weaknesses that I couldn't overcome to homeschool everyone this year. While relieved to lean on someone else to help my now turned second-grader, I tearfully sent the two to school that needed to go..... trusting them to the great teachers they got. I'm delighted in their teachers. They both got great ones who are good for them....

But......I miss the family unit at home everyday. I miss the routines of morning prayer, breakfast, morning chores, saying the Pledge of Allegiance, singing our Seed Family Worship songs, and sitting at the table with our studies together. I miss starting the day when was good for us and the freedom from the fear of missing the bus. I miss being in control of what each learns, of deciding how much is enough work for them, of deciding when it was break and when it was lunch time. I miss the homeschool family activities that we had time for when everyone was home that were so much nicer when certain destinations were not busy - apple farms, animal farms, pumpkin patches, special masses, museum trips, trips to the firehouse... you know, the things that families do together happening during the week and not just on the weekend. I miss the necessity to work through fights and learn to move beyond them for deeper roots & relationships. Being that we spend way more time together when we homeschool, the ground rules for disagreements come in handy and everyone must actually use them and work on negotiating skills and practicing kindness even when angry. I miss doing our volunteer work like visiting the nursing home during the days, or meeting up with Daddy for lunch at the Grand Estate (our home), or saying the noon-day Angelus and doing noon day chores together. It was much easier to talk about the family doing the hard stuff together so we can enjoy the fun stuff together when we had opportunities for both everyday.

Instead, this year, we are frantic to catch the bus in the morning, morning prayer is individual as we all rush to the duties that must be done to get out the door on time, and evenings are spent doing homework and reading work that others say must be done. It is all valuable stuff. I was a public school teacher for ten years. I know homework is valuable stuff. But for me, that important stuff in homework CAN fit in with homeschooling while the important stuff of homeschooling doesn't fit in when going to public school.

Soooo..... I invite the Lord into our homeschooling decisions for next year. I feel like an answer has presented itself - a perfect mix of homeschool and going to school: Regina Caeli. Regina Caeli is a Catholic Hybrid Homeschooling opportunity where families go to school on campus twice a week and work from home three days a week. A permanent schedule is set; a common curriculum is taught; all students have teachers in the classroom in addition to their parents at home; there are a wide variety of wholesome activities to participate in; Catholic holidays are vacation days & there are opportunities to go to Mass together, and children learn at home with their parents and the chosen curriculum three days a week. It's win- win....

If.... we bring Jesus into the decision and ask Him to make sure it is right for us. You see, it is also very expensive to us who have a strict budget without a lot of wiggle room. It will most likely be between $6K and $7K for tuition, fundraising dues, uniforms and books. I have seen Jesus act swiftly and completely this year for us financially - and most strongly because my friend Stephanie shared her story and opened my eyes and people like my Dad lifted and carried being a literal answer to prayers. I can only hope and trust that next year will run the same, and that if Regina Caeli is for us, the funds needed will come about.... maybe from tax returns? Maybe by teaching there? Maybe by an evening job?

I look forward to when I write the sequel to this and can say, "Bam. Jesus ain't messin' around."